How do I deal with a boss who makes me miserable?

A difficult boss can begin to occupy your mind outside working hours, until even rest becomes rehearsal for the next encounter. I would first make the problem more specific: unpredictable criticism, impossible demands, humiliation, or a mismatch in expectations may require different responses.

Keep concrete examples for your own clarity. If a conversation seems reasonably safe, describe behaviour and its effect on the work, then ask for a particular change. You need not persuade your boss that they are a bad person before seeking a workable arrangement.

Some situations do not improve through better phrasing. Consider available support, reporting channels, a transfer or an exit plan according to your circumstances. If you fear retaliation, seek confidential guidance before deciding how to proceed.

Meanwhile, be careful about accepting their version of you as the whole truth. Repeated exposure to someone's judgement can make it familiar. Familiarity is not the same as accuracy.

It is possible to recognise that a boss faces pressure without volunteering to absorb every consequence of it. Understanding someone's circumstances does not settle what you should accept from them.

Jing begins with naming the behaviour. I would also look at the organisation around it. Are expectations unclear for everyone? Do other people encounter the same pattern? Are those with authority willing to address it? A problem sustained by a system is difficult to solve through one employee's patience.

Decide what you can reasonably attempt and how you will assess whether it helped. Otherwise you may keep adjusting yourself while the arrangement remains unchanged. There is no special virtue in becoming endlessly adaptable to avoidable misery.

Your options may be constrained by money and responsibilities. Working within those constraints is different from approving the situation. Even a gradual plan can restore some direction while you continue doing what you must.

We should make two portraits of the boss. One is the organisation's official painting: Visionary Leadership Against a Background of Cloud. The other is a small sketch of what actually happens on Tuesday.

In the sketch, perhaps the deadline changes three times, a question receives a sigh and yesterday's instruction is denied with remarkable confidence. Keep the sketch accurate. Caricature is my department; your notes need dates and ordinary words.

I would love to send the official portrait to a management course. It has the advantage of remaining silent while someone else speaks. Alas, the real person is responsible for attending.

Jang asks what the organisation tolerates. Watch closely. If everyone insists the portrait is wonderful while quietly warning you about Tuesday, you have learned something about the gallery. You may need another room, another curator or eventually another building. Do not spend years repainting yourself to match the clouds.