How do I decide how much money to give away?

Giving may express compassion, gratitude, responsibility or the wish to become someone you can respect. It may also offer temporary relief from guilt. Mixed motives do not invalidate generosity, but noticing them can help you choose a commitment you can sustain without resentment.

Ask what you hope your giving will accomplish and what you expect it to prove about you. Those questions may lead in different directions. A highly visible gesture can feel satisfying while a quieter, repeated contribution fits your values more closely. The reverse may also be true in a particular situation.

Your own needs and accepted obligations belong in the decision. You do not need to make yourself precarious before the contribution counts as sincere. Nor must you wait until you feel entirely secure, a condition that may never feel complete. Choose a purpose and a level you can examine honestly, then allow both to change with experience and circumstances.

Begin with attention to the recipient and the purpose, as well as the amount. What is actually needed? What kind of contribution would be useful? How can you understand the work you intend to support without requiring gratitude or a personal story in exchange?

Money can help, and so can reliable participation, knowledge or time. But do not assume that an unrequested offer is useful simply because it involves your effort. Listening is part of giving.

Jing asks what generosity proves about the giver. I would loosen that task where possible. A contribution need not settle whether you are a good person. It can meet a need, support something you value and leave you responsible for your next ordinary action. Consider commitments you can keep and review rather than a dramatic gesture followed by withdrawal. You can also preserve limits without becoming indifferent. There is more need in the world than any single person can make their own obligation.

I propose a charitable auction of our desire to look charitable. A magnificent resource, currently consuming enormous quantities of ribbon, ceremonial scissors and photographs of people pointing at large cheques.

The opening lot is a speech about humility. Bidding begins at a modest amount, provided the successful bidder's name appears on the lectern. Next, a discreet act of kindness with full media rights. Very popular.

Jang wants the recipient's needs to matter. This may disrupt the programme. Someone has suggested asking what would help before commissioning the banner. The banner committee is distressed; it has already selected a font called Generous.

We shall put the committee to work folding the unused banners into something useful. If no useful purpose can be found, they can at least provide shade while the people doing the actual work have lunch. The auction will continue quietly, without a photographer, which may finally bring the price down to something sensible.